I wanna cry. . .

WHy?? Can someone tell me why I have to be the weak one even though I'm the eldest in the family? Why do I always have to back down in every single fight? It hurts . . . from the very bottom of my heart...it spreads all around. It's really unfair for me!!! Bcuz of 'someone'. . . I lost my courage to scold anyone..even those who you can label...:stranger. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I'm going to turn to when I grow up later in life. Will I stay forever timid and ''lost''? Forever scared and unable to fight for my own rights? Tell me! I don't want to be a fool in my parents' hearts...a slave to my sister...I...I can't take this! It's just too much...why....I felt..like . . . a soul...trapped in a box...a black box...no sun..no light...no life! I don't want to be a slave to anyone. I just...want to be...me. I want to cry...sometimes..I cry myself to sleep..but there's one thing I'm sure of : everytime someone brings my sister into the conversation...i know..tears will silently roll down my cheeks...I've tried to stop..to bring myself together...to be strong..but I can't...maybe it's becuz the pain I've kept in me for so long . . . but all I know...I'll never stop until the pain in me is gone. . .until I know. . . when I can stand back on my feet. . . and when I can return to my world...i gtg now...*sweet dreams...*